


The worst part of death, is surviving.

by SkinnyElephant



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Character Deaths, Depression, Guilt, Hate, Hurt/Comfort, Old Fic, Sad, Short, Stars, Survivors Guilt, au mentions, but really whats in character for them nowdays lol, character are ooc, characters in au, edited but still, ehh, hating ones self, i needed a bit of angst today, its just angst for angst, ouch this is old, quiet conversation, really this is it, rooftop sitting, stars watching, written litterally years ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21633697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkinnyElephant/pseuds/SkinnyElephant
Summary: Recently moving topside has papyrus thinking somethings he'd rather never think about.Sans can't catch a wink of sleep.The roof is where we have deep conversation.Or; UTPapyrus has survivors guilt and UFsans isn't very good at talking about things.
Relationships: Brotherly Sans & Papyrus, FellSans - Relationship, TalePapyrus
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	The worst part of death, is surviving.

**Author's Note:**

> It has been a whole minute since I uploaded anything and wow what a stress reliever writing is omw.
> 
> I really do miss this. 
> 
> I have loads of drafts saved of stuff that I started and stopped, or lost interest in but reading them back I'm so excited to be writing again.
> 
> Please enjoy!  
> S.E.

Papyrus climbed his way out the window onto the flat of the roof. Finding the person he was looking for after straightening his spine was a simple task, all the way to the right and nearest to the edge. Sans sat slumped backward watching the sky change colors. Neither of them has slept very well since the attack, which isn't saying much for papyrus but this sans who could sleep nearly all day seemed to never sleep now. Being made of bone, the smaller skeleton had no reason to fear the shingles cutting into his elbows that he laid back onto. Papyrus watched sans, emotion flew threw his soul just looking at the edgy version of his brother, who wore things like leather jackets adorned with little metal trinkets and spikes. The crack on his skull nearly made its way all the way down, pointing to the collar he wore indefinitely, Papyrus wasn't sure that he'd ever seen sans without it. The bags under his eyes weren't so different from what his brother had but these seemed darker than what papyrus was used to. Finally, clearing his throat so as not to frighten the guy. Sans turned his head to look over his left shoulder at papyrus, confused but not concerned, he swung his legs back and forth just over the edge of the roof.

"How'd you find me?" his voice was soft but gruff as ever, almost uninviting if papyrus hadn't known him so well.

"The window was open " papyrus took careful steps forward, not looking to fall from his own roof. His gaze shifted between his feet and making eye contact with very heavy eyes across the rooftop.

"Ah, I knew I shoulda closed it" sans chuckled, patting the piece of the roof next to him."Well since you traveled all the way out here, take a seat?" Sans watched the taller of them nod and make his way over carefully. 

Papyrus lowered his bottom to the roof and when he just skimmed the shingles he let himself fall backward and straightened his legs to swing off the roof like sans' legs. The moon was nearly full, a day or two's difference you can hardly tell unless you're looking for it. It brightened the sky to a lovely indigo, the stars looked like jewels lost in the darkness of the sky. Papyrus knowing next to nothing about stars use to love to sit and listen to his brother ramble on about stars, and galaxies, and constellations. Even when the lessons and stories repeated he always showed the same enthusiasm as his brother, just happy to see him happy.

Below on the ground crickets chirped and small wildlife scurried looking for their next meal. The grass looked much darker at night, a green that looked more blue than anything. The trees shuttered through the soft blows of wind, their leaves crinkled and then stilled. While the scenery was calming, Papyrus couldn't help but scrub his knuckles together, a nervous habit he'd had forever. The bone ground on bone, his gloves somewhere lost in his bedroom. He felt weird wearing them as if nothing had happened.

"Do you...ah..." he stumbled over his word. His faced heated up and after a moment's awkward silence he chose not to continue.

"Do I what?" Sans brought his eyes down from the sky to focus his attention on papyrus. Turning his whole head he saw the hesitant breath papyrus took.

Papyrus shifted his eyes between sans and his knuckles, reluctant to say anything. Really, this was just his morbid curiosity making him think such things but in the end, he couldn't keep himself from asking the questions heavy on his mind. Finally, he squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath.

"Do you miss him?" He ground out between his teeth, worried to make eye contact with the other. He cracked his eyes just a bit to peek out at sans' reaction but refused to make eye contact.

"Who? Pap?" Sans tilted his head to try to meet eyes with papyrus. the name had become easier and easier to say as time had gone on but it still twinged his soul to say.

"Yes Papyrus" It felt weird hearing his own name come out of his mouth but in reference to someone else. he pulled his knees close to his chest and rested his crossed arms on them, only his heels caught on the edge of the roof kept his legs up. Sans sat up only to lean back on in his hands taking a minute to find his answer. The silence wasn't awkward, but it wasn't comfortable either.

"Well, course, I do. He's my brother after all." He took a breath to clear away stray thoughts. "You'd say the same for yours, I'm sure" He thought back onto when they first found the softer sans and papyrus in their basement. Boss was really mad, he said he didn't want the extra mouths to feed but they grew on him in the short time they were all together. The plan was to fix the problems with the machine, find their way to the other brother's universe and live a peaceful life never having to think about all the dust and decay that was their world. After months of being holed up in the basement with the other sans, they became close friends. Of course, there was the ever standing argument of which papyrus was greater but it was all in fun. They eventually made it back to the softer brother's homeworld and Everything was great. A human child even fell into the underground and was on their way to freeing everyone. 

It had been years since the ambush that dusted sans. A stray from the other world had found their way into the softer world and in its confusion started dusting monsters left and right. This stray monster had found sans decided that the easy XP was well worth it. He had held out for a good while until boss had seen the dust trail that lead right to their fight and when boss ran to his aid his anger blinded him. He let himself make a simple mistake and they caught him in his blind spot. They cut him clean across the back of boss' neck and didn't even look back to watch boss fall to dust. When the attackers turned their sights on papyrus, who gaped at not only his brother's death but his copy's as well he froze, the edgier sans jumped to his defense. Sans had hardly imagined that he would outlive his powerful and charismatic brother and took it as his personal mission to keep this softer version of his brother safe from harm. Even if it meant taking up the role of older brother he wasn't sure he was any longer cut out for. 

"Would you do it again?" Papyrus spoke softly into his arms rested on his folded knees. Not sure if he still wanted to hear the answer.

"What do you mean?" Sans' attention drifted in and out, between watching the sky, watching memories play through his head and falling drowsy he asked for clarification.

"If you knew then what you knew now, would you still save me over him?" Tears sprung from his eyes and made two small tracks down his cheeks. He sniffed and rubbed at his eyes to try and contain the tears.

"Papyrus" sans was stunned into silence for just a moment. "You can't ask for an answer like that. Its a loaded question" he shifted his eyes to the side and scratched the back of his head.

"ITS SIMPLE WOULD YOU OR WOULD YOU NOT?" he whisper shouted. His voice no longer calm but it reminded him of his brother's voice when he had protected him from a group of bullies back when papyrus was in stripes school. He tried to stay quiet for the surrounding wildlife but birds still took off in response.

"Knowing what I know now, I would try to save all of you." It wasn't fair of papyrus to be asking him such things. He could be unsure of any outcome even if he had known what was going to happen. He's thought on these things himself, in the lonely quiet of his bedroom, the one the other sans used to sleep in. It laid heavy in his head every moment he lies awake in his old bed. He's thought of how 'if only he had smashed that machine', or been faster on his feet. The way he froze embarrasses him and knowing that the only thing that helped him snap out of his stupor was to watch his own brother be cut down by some low life. Sure, living so comfortably in this world may of allowed him to lower his guard but that made no excuse as to why he hadn't snapped that monster's neck the second he layed eyes on it.

"WHY? WHY TRY WHEN YOUR BROTHER COULD BE SITTING HERE WHERE I AM NOW?" Papyrus bit into his sleeve to keep from yelling his words to the world.

"Papyrus" he spoke in a low warning voice, his eyes burned with magic but he refused to let it get so far. He wouldn't hurt papyrus, and the idea of scaring him made him sick. He wouldn't give papyrus an excuse to dislike him. Not this one too.

"HE COULD BE HERE AND YOUD NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LAZY SANS AND INNOCENT PAPYRUS" He choked on a sob and tears fell freely. He covered his mouth with his palm, keeping as quiet as his sobs would allow.

"Pap, what has gotten into you?" He growled slightly, confused and startled at the loud tone. His usual smile down in a frown and his eyebrows pinched upwards.

"Do you hate me?" Papyrus sniffed, his nose blocking, a headache forming. Pushing the heel of his hands into his sockets he clenched his teeth trying to take control of his sounds.

"Why? Did you want me to?" Sans tried for a joke but it fell horribly flat as he watched papyrus grow angry. 

"YES! I WANT YOU LOATHE ME! DESPISE ME!" Papyrus hit the roof with a closed fist. "I WANT MY NAME TO CHURN YOUR STOMACH! " he sobbed, fat ugly tears ran down his face. "I WANT MY LIVING TO BE THE REASON YOU WANT ME DEAD" He continued to mumble things of the same sort.

"Papyrus?! Bud where did all this come from?"Sans was worried, had he done something wrong? The idea of upsetting one of the few nice things he had left brought a sour taste to his mouth. Papyrus let his sobs quiet enough to speak clearly. In these few minutes, he Looked out into the dark woods with red wet eyes as he tried to continue. He pinched his brows together, squeezing his fist tight he spoke again.

"I want this greasy black pit in my stomach to stop swirling and these terrible dark thoughts to stop speaking to me" he whispered, grasping his head with both hands.

Sans grabbed the other's arm, tempted to pull him into a hug but hesitated. for moments his brain refused to supply anything for him to say. His tongue laid heavy in his mouth, sticking to the roof of it. When he finally found the words he wanted to say the colors of the sky had changed once more to something just a little bit brighter. The indigo that was prominent just a little bit ago had faded into a purple, steadily changing into a lighter version of that purple. 

"Papyrus, what happened all that time ago " he shook his head when tears came to his eyes. His hand still grasping the other's elbow was used more of a crutch for himself than a show of comfort for the other. "Its not your fault" he whispered back. He tugged on PApyrus' arm to get his attention and pull his eyes to meet his own.

"Then why do I feel like it is?" He pulled his arm out of sans grip and turned his head to meet eyes with sans, searching his eyes to find an answer. Maybe not the one he wants to hear but one that might make his thought valid, one that might understand where he's coming from or maybe one that'll say this feeling might go away.

Nothing was spoken for minutes. The crickets continued chirping, leaves rustled in the wind; Life continued around them while they felt frozen in their thoughts. Together, from the corners of their eyes, they watched the sky get brighter, the purple that had once been faded into a delicate mixture of pinks and oranges. While they sat there sans had also searched his surrogate brother's eyes for something neither would be able to name in a million years. 

"This isn't your fault any more than it is mine, or theirs." He took a breath before continuing "Things, terrible things happen to people who least deserve it." Sans spoke solely for papyrus' sake. "This feeling, the one deep in your soul? It'll dull. Eventually." He chuckled lifelessly, his hand came to rest on papyrus' shoulder and squeezed. "It wont ever stop hurting, believe me. But the pain fades, you learn to live on without him. Tasks you once thought impossible become easier. You won't forget him, he'll always be in the back of your mind but you won't worry so much about it. It gets easier to breathe and eventually, life is almost back to normal."

He rubbed the tears away with the back of his wrist before looking back over at papyrus. The tears continued coming and time and time again he wiped them away.

"I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I'm terrified at the thought of losing you." He wiped his eyes and chuckled darkly at his allowance to let papyrus feel this way.

"I'm sorry to of said such terrible things." Papyrus, fully knowing things had to get worse to get better he rubbed at his eyes once more telling himself that he will no longer cry.

"Its alright paps, things will get better." Sans spoke seriously but snorted when papyrus spoke again

"I hate hearing that " papyrus grumbled, his cheek rested on his knees facing sans, he let a small smile fall onto his face.

"Fuck I do too" sans grinned back, he pat his brother's back reassuringly, his eyes going soft his grin was replaced with a smile.

"Thank you, I appreciate you greatly"

Minutes past by and Sans found his arm wrapped around papyrus shoulders and tugged him closer. The golden sun rising before them showed that papyrus had closed his eyes and was on the brink of sleep. He closed his eyes and let the sun's warmth wash over his chilled bones.

"Anytime, bro. "

**Author's Note:**

> 12/1/2019


End file.
